Notes and Queeries

Joyce Grenfell's biography mentions film actor Maurice Flynn, described as "every gay man's dream". While filming, he left to go to the lavatory and was only found 8 days later painted blue from head to foot and playing the ukelele.


A brief note in the New Scientist mentioned that in a US hospital, the man in charge of surgery for penile dysfunction was Steve Hardman and his colleague responsible for vasectomies was Dick Chop.


Dr. Eddie Persson (from Stockholm Gay Opera Lovers) has written a book on "deaths in opera" full of fascinating statistics. 45% of sopranos die in operas, but only 17% of basses. Sopranos and tenors are both 5 times more likely to die by being stabbed than mezzo sopranos, but tenors are nearly 4 times more likely to be killed by explosions. Unfortunately, this essential tome is only available in Swedish.    Så synd!!


The dictionary of Gay Slang defines Australian Sex as sex which involves licking all parts of the body in a set order. New Zealand Sex is the same without the rimming.


On a 1975 Radio Trent phone-in, the Rev Michael Hall emphasised that there were far more "invisible" gay men than "visible". Letting his descriptive powers blossom, he said that "Those you can see are merely the fringe of the iceberg".


In 1947 a meeting of the Swedish Cabinet discussed the King, 89 year old Gustav V. The Interior Minister announced: "The King is homosexual". The Minister of Finances was heard to say "At his age - how vigorous!"


And here he is again.  On the road driving south out of Stockholm to Södertalje is a feature known as "The King's Kerb." This is where King Gustav V's car crashed because the driver was distracted while being given a blow job - probably by the King.


A first-ever museum display, "Against Nature?", which opened in January at the University of Oslo's Natural History Museum in Norway, presents 51 species of animals exhibiting homosexuality. Homosexuality has been noted in over 1500 species, says the exhibition coordinator. E.g. most dolphins are bisexual - he's not called "Flipper" for nothing.


A BBC radio programme promoting safer sex mentioned getting free condoms, which would be given away on "a first come, first served principle."


Swiss operatic tenor Hugues Cuenod was singing well into his eighties. He made his debut at the New York Met aged 85. Now 104, he is looking forward to his civil partnership ceremony now that Switzerland has passed laws recognising same-sex relationships.


Omar, star of the Channel 4 documentary "The World's Biggest Penis", was spotted by a Nottingham Evening Post reporter in the Valley Road branch of Tesco. "Every little helps" is perhaps not the appropriate slogan in this case.


As a by-product of the Civil Partnership Act, all the many lesbian and gay couples who own their own slaughterhouses will have the slaughterhouse licence automatically transferred should one partner die.


A new opera was premiered in New York on June 20th 2007. "Pumped Fiction" was written by John Eaton and its subject is the world's leading designer of penis pumps.


In 1941, bisexual American composer George Antheil joined forces with 1940s movie star Hedy Lamarr to patent a remote control torpedo.


Did you know that Paul Baker's book "Fantabulosa" lists Polari terms for various things. A policeman is "Hilda Handcuffs", "Betty Bracelets" or "Jennifer Justice". Sunglasses are "ogle filters" and a dentist's surgery is a "fang carsey".


Documents obtained under US freedom of information laws confirmed that the country's military considered developing a "gay bomb". In 1994 the US Air Force requested $7.5m to make a bomb that would cause enemy soldiers to become gay, and to have their units break down because the soldiers became irresistibly attractive to one another.


The first two gay Danish authors who were publicly out about their sexuality were Herman Bang and Martin Kok.


Through his book "A Treatise on Skating", Captain Robert Jones was the man most responsible for popularising ice-skating. In 1772 he was convicted of sodomy and sentenced to be hanged, but was pardoned by King George III (who later turned into Nigel Hawthorne).


Cardinal Francis Spellmann, who supported the McCarthy witch-hunts against homosexuals in 1950s USA, had a fondness for Broadway chorus boys and was known to his friends as "Thelma".


The Great Cormorant is also known as the European Shag. About 1 in 500 pairs of Cormorants is composed of 2 male birds. It therefore seems that male Shags seldom shag males.


At the unsuccessful trial in the 1980s - for wilful obstruction - of Richard McCance (Nottingham's only living Saint), the prosecution complained about microphone feedback from a woman who appeared to be trying to record the trial. The woman was Richard's mother; the feedback was from her hearing aid.


Canadian zoo officials have been worrying about gay ducks. Larry Le Sage, curator of the Vancouver zoo said "I noticed the mallards were gay about 3 years ago, but now the wood ducks have picked it up." He believes the wood ducks were corrupted by the mallards and has asked the Canadian Wildlife Service to sexually re-programme the gay drakes.


More than 100 men and women recently gathered in San Francisco for what organisers said was the city's second annual "Masturbate-a-thon". The event raised funds for charity - one of the sponsors was Kleenex.


The first drag artists to feature in the Eurovision Song Contest (in 1986) were Norwegians Olav Klingen and Jonny Nymoen - otherwise known as the Great Garlic Girls. Nul points?


It is rumoured that Robert Mugabe's virulent homophobia stems back to his teenage years, when someone pointed out that his name is an anagram of bugame.


The Roman emperor Heliogabalus initiated a contest to find the man with the largest penis. He then "married" the winner.


The incidence of same-sex activities amongst bats varies from species to species. Though observed only occasionally in Flying Foxes and Vampire bats, same-sex activities are very common in Livingstone's Fruit bat.


In the past 47 years, the Women's Singles Championship at Wimbledon has been won by a lesbian on (at least) 23 occasions. Not by the same lesbian each time, obviously.


Dr. La Forest Potter has listed several characteristics of the typical gay man. They include: large nipples, an acne-free skin and a lack of perseverance. Did he just forget to mention having a name like "La Forest"?


A 426-million-year-old fossilised penis has been discovered by scientists. This part of the ostrocod Colymbosathon ecplecticos ("astounding swimmer with large penis") has been found preserved in volcanic ash at a site in Herefordshire. On "Two Fat Ladies", Clarissa Dickson-Wright memorably remarked that "there's a lot to be said for an old cock", but this is ridiculous.


Is the sexuality of a town defined in any way by its name? Perhaps it is if you live in Gay Head (Massachusetts), Gays (Illinois), Fort Gay (Wyoming) .... and then there's Dildo (Newfoundland).


Does your name influence the job you do? Think of all those TV gardeners ... Pippa Greenwood, Bob Flowerdew, Alan Titchmarsh, Stefan Buczacki (Polish for carrot). It comes as no surprise that the World Health Organisation's announcement that circumcision can halve HIV infection came from Kevin de Cock.


Dieter Schellenberger, resident of Dusseldorf, lives in "The Pink House". The outside and inside walls are pink, the windows have "rose-tinted" glass. Carpets, curtains, furniture, bathroom suite, light bulbs, toilet rolls ... you name it ... all are pink. Herr Schellenberger is not gay.


Homosexual activity is common in giraffes and is actually more frequent than heterosexual behaviour - which may be quite rare. In one study, mountings between males accounted for 94% of all observed sexual activity. We're not sure how they actually do it.


Lesbian composer Dame Ethel Smyth was imprisoned after becoming active in the "votes for women" campaign. She conducted a performance of her suffragist anthem from a window in Holloway Prison using her toothbrush as a baton.


The dildo used in the 1968 murder of actor Ramon Navarro was originally a gift from Rudolph Valentino and a replica of Valentino's penis. (We want to know how the dildo killed him ...)


West Indian Manatees sometimes have same-sex orgies as part of a social activity called "cavorting", during which they indicate their pleasure with noises described as "chirp-squeaks" and "snort-chirps" (don't we all?).


Servants made redundant by the death of Princess Margaret included not only the Yeoman of the Pantries and the Maid to the Coffee Room, but also the Page of the Backpassage . We are not making this up.


Pastor David James Manning insists that Starbucks flavours its lattes with the “semen of sodomites”.


Arriving serendipitously at a website which gives a list of words for “gay” in a variety of languages, QB now presents the following terms to add to your Berlitz tourist dictionaries:  Puerto Rico “plumifero” - with feathers ....... Russian “goluboy” - light blue

Portuguese “queima-rosca” - doughnut burner ....... French “tapette” - flyswatter

Slovenian “toplovodar” - warm water person .......... Czech “bukvice” - beechnut

Luxembourgish “tatta” - aunty


Pastor Williams of anti-gay Praise Cathedral Church of God in Indiana has been arrested for sexually harassing a man at a lake. The pastor’s first name is Gaylard.


How to test for “gayness” in Kazakhstan - according to politician Dauren Babamuratov. Look for people in coloured trousers and then give them a blood test for “degeneratism”.


The Christian organisation Faith 2 Action, claims that homosexuality is three times more dangerous than smoking. As smoking is 17 times more dangerous than roller skating, that makes homosexuality 51 times more dangerous than roller skating.


Bert Farias, a pastor and founder of Holy Fire Ministries, has said the reason why people are homosexual is because they are possessed by fart demons.





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